So apparently this whole guilt thing doesn’t get any better as kids get older. When I went out Saturday night, I was talking about mom guilt with a friend, one of the other band wives, who is a parent of three daughters ranging in age from college to 6th grade. She touched on some of the things she felt guilty about when her kids were younger, and things she still feels guilty about today… even though her oldest is away at college and is doing her own very adult thing. THERE’S STILL MOM GUILT WHEN THEY GO TO COLLEGE! While that may not be comforting at all, at least I know that I’m not alone. Mamas, you are NOT alone in your guilt!

One thing I’ve heard people say to moms dealing with guilt is: “You feeling guilty only shows what a great mom you are.” While that is always said with the best intentions, I really, really wish that guilt didn’t have to be associated with good parenting. Why can’t I be a good mom without feeling guilty about every decision I make? Why are the expectations of being a “good mom” or a “great mom” so lofty and unattainable?

I blame the internet and this whole “age of information” thing partly for this modern-day mom guilt. There is an absolutely endless amount of information available at the click of a mouse. There are studies from around the world on the exact same topic that are often contradictory. There are books written by pediatricians, baby “sleep experts” and parenting gurus that have also spawned websites, podcasts, email newsletters and apps. Oh, the apps! There are apps that track your baby’s sleep, development, growth and poop. Yes, poop. And then there are the mommy blogs (ugh).

When you need to make a decision about which gear, clothes or toys to buy, you are faced with making decisions based on thousands of reviews from other parents and “experts” who test the products and decide whether they are safe enough, or will make baby smart enough or happy enough. Gone are the days when you made your purchasing decisions based on what was available in the store closest to you, or what’s on sale, or what pattern you like best.

I briefly talked to my mom about the guilt when I told her that I started this blog. She said, “What do you feel guilty about?” Huh? What kind of question is that? She said she never had any guilt with me or my brother. Seriously?!?!? But, she only had the Dr. Spock book about babies to answer to, instead of the endless barrage of advice, research and reviews that create these insane standards that everyone has to meet to be a “good mom.”

I’m incredibly lucky to have a lot of mom friends, from newbies like myself to moms with kids in college and every age in between. And every single one of them is a damn good mom. I truly believe that. And most of the time, I think that i’m doing a decent job myself. You know, aside from questioning every decision I ever make regarding my son… I haven’t yet figured out what to do to alleviate the guilt I feel so often. It’s not something I can just turn off. But, I do take comfort in knowing that I’m not alone, and that feeling so guilty doesn’t mean that I’m neurotic or irrational (even though I may feel that way at times).

I’ve come across a couple of articles lately related to mom guilt and being a “good mom,” and I was going to craft ideas and thoughts from them into this post, but I’m waaaayy too tired for that, so I’ll just post links to these two with quotes that stood out to me:

Flawed & Fabulous Moms: Why Great Parenting Isn’t Perfect: “There’s a pervasive sense of blame that tells us, no matter how your kid turns out, all his flaws point back to you: The wrong kind of discipline, the wrong foods, the wrong reading materials, even what you eat during pregnancy will affect your child.” Also, if you don’t feel like reading this whole article, at least skip down to the bottom and read #4 – chick has 10 children ages 8 months to 18 years – that cannot be real!

How I Overcame Working Mom Guilt: “I constantly feared falling short and was very unforgiving of myself when I wasn’t everything for everyone. When I compared myself to non-maternal co-workers, I fell short. And when I compared myself to moms with stay-at-home careers, I fell short, too. I felt like I couldn’t talk about how hard being a working mother was because I didn’t want to appear weak. Also, by not talking about how hard motherhood or work was, I played into my belief that I was falling short. If no one was talking about it, everyone else was finding the balance easy, right?” Find other moms. TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF. It’s not easy for any of us. I repeat, you are not alone!