I wrote this post about a month ago and was a little conflicted about sharing it. But here goes. It’s kind of ranty, but that’s how I was feeling at the time.

A good friend (single, no-children, male) recently asked me if I was “still doing the full-time mom thing” or if I’d gone back to work. My immediate response was, “Yes.” Yes, I’ve been back at the office for several months now. And, yes, I’m also a full-time mom. Then I started thinking about the language that is used to describe moms and motherhood. Stay At Home Mom. Work At Home Mom. Working Mom. Part Time Working Mom. Full Time Working Mom. There are probably other labels that I don’t even know about. What do you call a mom who owns her own business that has always been run out of her home, and still does that now, with a baby to care for? What about an artist who creates in an in-home studio, and also has two kids at home most days? There are so many different situations and scenarios for families and mothers and childcare, it’s kind of ridiculous to have labels for everything. And what do all of these women have in common? They are ALL full-time moms!!!! However, this label seems to be reserved for moms who stay at home (working or not) and have their children at home (not in daycare).

Now, I know he meant to distinguish between staying at home vs. working outside of the office, but as someone who pays attention to language and words and semantics a lot, that kind of hit home for me, and got me thinking about the words we use to talk about motherhood.

Let me just get this straight first – When it comes to moms who work outside of the home vs. moms who do not, I am not into making comparisons about who has it harder. Moms of babies ALL have it hard. We all have different situations, and different struggles and challenges, and it’s NOT EASY. We all have guilt, we all feel like what we’re doing is not enough. But even among the best-intentioned of us, I hear these comparisons every single day between moms who stay at home and moms who work outside of the home. I feel like that division alone is not enough to contain all of the different situations … I know moms who stay at home with their babies and also work from home either full time or part time. I know moms who run their own businesses out of their home and have their baby at home with them all week. I know moms who work outside of the home full time or part time. And regardless of what we do, other people will inevitably have an opinion about it.

Here’s my point of view: I work full-time, outside of the home and my son is in daycare. If our family were to lose my income, we would not be able to pay our bills. While we do struggle to afford daycare, there’s no question that we couldn’t afford me not working. I am also incredibly fortunate that I do enjoy my job (most of the time). That being said, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think to myself at some point that I’d rather be at home with my baby. Yes, I do get to use my “adult” brain, I haven’t had problems finding my identity as a person now that I’m a mom, and it is nice to get out of the house and have some space away from my son (sometimes).

HOWEVER. Just because I go to work every day and drop my son off at daycare, does NOT mean that I’m not a full-time mom. I don’t stop being a mom when I go to work every day. I pump 2-3 times a day while at work (which I HATE) so that I can continue to feed my baby (and this comes with some guilt, knowing that a lot of working moms have to end breastfeeding because they can’t find a convenient time/place to pump and maintain their supply). I spend my lunch hour with him at daycare, nursing him (I feel both incredibly fortunate and guilty for this, knowing that there are working moms who go all day without seeing their babes).  I am a mom, 24/7. WE ALL ARE. Just because we work outside of the home and are not able to stay at home with our kids, does not mean that we’re not full-time moms.

Does the term “full-time mom” have to describe someone who stays at home and cares for their children vs. putting them in daycare and working outside of the home? Is it a term that is meant to give (much due) credit to non-working moms, but in turn discredits working moms who either choose to, or out of necessity, maintain a career or job and have their kids in child care?

There has not been a single second over the last 8 1/2 months since I birthed my son that I have not been a mother. Whether I’m at the office, or giving my son a bath, or feeding him at 3 a.m. or having a rare night out without him, I never once stop being a mother. I never stop feeling like a mother, I never stop thinking like a mother. So why can’t I be called a full-time mom?